“I’ll Hold You in Heaven
Healing and Hope
For the Parent Who Has Lost a Child
Through Miscarriage, Stillbirth, Abortion or Early Infant Death”
Jack W. Hayford 1986, 1990
2015 borrowed at the Lending Library – Birth and Wellness Center in February.
These are my notes from the book.
May the Lord help you,
as He helped me.
Crying can be a good thing.
So are naps.
Both can be restorative.
God is good. All the time. – Romans 8:28 in the Peggy Paraphrase.
This verse has helped me greatly these last few years… I found a note from Sept. 2012 where I had written about this verse to a friend.
God is faithful.
Even today with this… while typing notes from this book.
God helped me.
I started at the back of the book a few months ago. I never do that,
today, when I picked it back up to finish… from the beginning…
God’s timing is perfect. I re-read a lot of it – beyond those pages marked. I needed it – again.
I miscarried my 2nd baby this summer,
I just kept going… I went to work that day. This time the passage wasn’t as bad,
nor the bleeding.
I didn’t ‘feel’ as attached… I was only just realizing I was pregnant:
My poor husband bore the brunt of it all …
anger this time.
I didn’t even realize it until later.
Anger always has a root.
Live & learn.
Here’s my notes from the book:
“The foundation of hope amid any human dilemma,
… will always be drawn from God’s Word – not from human reasoning or happy-talk philosophizing.
The answer to your deepest pain or most grieving heart cry lies in scripture. … “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, The fruit of the womb is His reward” -Psalm 127:3
Your support system:
One of the greatest lies our soul’s enemy conjures is that what concerns you isn’t worth anybody else’s time.
… Begin with prayer. … just talk to God. … … express your heart of love toward your child. Do it before God.
While we know that communicating with a loved one is not possible (and attempting to do so opens a person to being deceived by Satan), we can talk freely with God about all our feelings, discussing any questions our hearts want to ask.
… as the one perfect, loving Father, He welcomes our coming to Him – even spilling out our tears, our sorrow or our heartache. .
.. He not only will accept your heart, cry, He will comfort you.
… God’s infinite mercy, His gentleness and His graciousness. He’s the Redeemer,
… I encourage you to talk with ‘Abba’ – that’s the Hebrew word for ‘Daddy.’ His Holy Spirit is the best Comforter of all.
… God promises a reunion someday with your child. Meaning … ‘…my pregnancy was not a waste of time.’
Hope … ‘We never got a chance to know you…but we shall, some day.’ …
Peace: ‘One day we will meet again in heaven,’ … It is perfectly proper to say, ‘I’ll hold you in heaven.’ There will be a day of meeting that child.
Psalm 139:13 – The Voice (I choose the translation.)
13 For You shaped me, inside and out.
You knitted me together in my mother’s womb long before I took my first breath.
From the book:
For You (Lord) have formed my inward parts;
You have covered me in my mother’s womb.
The verb chosen by Jewish translators of this verse reveals that the literal statement of the text is that God is beside the child – to help it AND to keep it from its earliest beginning.
<I thought these facts were cool:>
The 3rd week, the lobes of the brain are distinguishable;
the 4th week, the head and face are recognizable and the heart starts to beat
Human kind once conceived become eternal souls,
since life does not begin with their first breath or the first heartbeat.
It begins at once with the uniting of the cells contributed by the mother & father.
From that moment according the Bible,
a viable being exists
God’s program of redemption is about:
The restoration of life and hope…
God redeems our past
Promises us eternal joy in heaven
He provides hope and power for our present experiences,
offering a beautiful and fulfilling life now.
Jeremiah 1:5 = Before I formed you in the womb I knew you;
before you were born I sanctified you.
Divine intent/purpose. None are accidents. Every life has purpose.
Divine input/provision. He assigns duty but He also gives the ability to accomplish it. The provision of God’s power to accomplish that purpose.
God is no respecter of persons.
He is committed to each of us as He is to any of us.
His purposes may not always harmonize with ours,
but in the eternal symphony we will come to recognize better the part played by each.
Ask Him for wisdom and claim His promises to provide an adequate supply for material or monetary need. Ask & receive – and your joy shall be full.
Luke 1:39-43 <I choose the VOICE translation again> = When Mary entered their home and greeted Elizabeth, who felt her baby leap in her womb, Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit.
Elizabeth (shouting): 42 You are blessed, Mary, blessed among all women, and the child you bear is blessed! 43 And blessed I am as well, that the mother of my Lord has come to me!
From the book:
Let no one say the unborn are without spiritual sensitivity or purpose…
already tuned to the Spirit…
if the mother is really looking forward to a pregnancy,
it has an incredible, positive effect on the baby (per Dr. Thomas Verney – book, The Secret Life of the Unborn Child)
1 Corinthians 15:40 = Now there are heavenly bodies and there are earthly bodies,
the glory of each is different from the other.
<1 Corinthians 15:40The Voice (VOICE)
40 Likewise there are bodies made for the heavens and bodies made for the earth. The heavenly bodies have a different kind of glory or luminescence compared to bodies below. >
The few times in the Bible
when people are in their ‘heavenly bodies,’
they are identifiable.
Mount of Transfiguration = disciples saw Jesus talking with Moses & Elijah,
they recognized them as human beings.
<Psalm 139:15-16The Voice (VOICE)
15 You see all things; nothing about me was hidden from You
As I took shape in secret,
carefully crafted in the heart of the earth before I was born from its womb.
16 You see all things;
You saw me growing, changing in my mother’s womb;
Every detail of my life was already written in Your book;
You established the length of my life before I ever tasted the sweetness of it.>
Your eyes saw my substance,
being yet unformed.
The whole blueprint is within every cell… DNA (our body’s personal design & detailed development) – even a miscarried child had the encoded message of its physical development and appearance-to-be are already present… God knows what the baby looks like.
The child you lost has a human physical form.
You will meet ’em
will simply and immediately ‘know’ who they are
for we will be in the era where ‘we will know as we are know.’
<…I realize that everything I know is only part of the big picture. But one day, when Jesus arrives, we will see clearly, face-to-face. In that day, I will fully know just as I have been wholly known by God.
1 Corinthians 13:9-12 from the notes of the chapter.>
All truth is for action,
not merely for meditation.
God reveals His will
in His Word
to direct us,
not to merely inform us,
His Word is designed to assist us to a response that aligns us with His will.
instruments of love.
Romans 8:28 = <I choose translation:> We know that in everything God works for the good of those who love him. These are the people God chose,
that was his plan.
the book’s version:
And we know
that all things
work together for good
to those who love God,
to those who are the called
according to His purpose.
There’s a certainty to it.
No matter how our soul’s enemy attacks
human circumstances impact our lives,
God can ultimately take the pain
for our good.
What Satan planned for evil,
God can turn for good.
The process of grief…
Your loss is real & significant.
When grief is present,
it needs to be accepted,
God doesn’t take babies…
The capacity of the human mind
to go down
Suppression does not help us overcome the pain.
Grief often includes submerged feelings
of either fear or anger.
We need to talk.
To God (This is prayer).
… I’m convinced that guilt is a natural part of the grief cycle. It’s the human response of trying to find a logical, explainable answer for every tragedy.
… Sing and shout because of what I’ve done. I have redeemed, I have blotted out, so sing and shout. -Isaiah 44:22-23 paraphrased.
… This is My body, which is broken for you. -1 Corinthians 11:24
… Love that reaches with life to cast out fear.
… For God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. -Romans 5:8
… Responding emotionally: overcoming self-righteousness.
In one way or another all of us are people walking through a living graveyard. Everywhere we go, among everyone we meet every day, there are the walking dead.
… Death has come to them in one or more forms: death of relationships, death of dreams, death of a business enterprise, death of a loved one.
… God radically changed my attitude without changing my convictions.
… A wrong choice – even in the face of alternative counseling – cannot in the Spirit of Christ, sit in judgment on them. As a fallible, sinning human being I, too, have felt fear that has begotten actions less than worthy or faith-filled.
… Holy Spirit reminds that I am to love exactly as Jesus loves.
… God’s Love is unconditional. His Word is marvelously clear and the truth incredibly freeing: His Love is unbounded, unending and fully offered in advance.
… Jesus overcame sin. He overcame sin in surrendering Himself to LOVE – to stand forgivingly – until His Love overcame.
… The reason Christ died for sin is that sin is deadly serious business, and the death-price has to be paid in full, one way or the other. When we take matters into our own hands, death prevails. Trust in His almighty power.
… lovingly serve … I have had difficulty with the idea of ‘The Church’ marching in any arena other than on its knees.
… May you know Christ’s healing and fullness, and may you become a transmitter of His life.
… ‘Not by might nor by power but by My Spirit’ says the Lord of hosts. – Zechariah 4:6 “
I’ve now miscarried TWICE,
I TRUST the LORD
His timing. It is perfect. I don’t have to understand. I’ll see my sweet Emili Sky & Daniel Kent in Heaven.
Being raised by Jesus …
How can I ever be upset!
Last week I felt like my heart was dust… not just broken as my cousin suggested last October when I miscarried again, 3rd time,
thankfully our sweet pastor preached on positivity. Just what I needed.