“A recent health study
determined that there are 3 primary reasons people can’t cope in life:
- They have a low self-esteem
- They live in the past
- They don’t laugh enough
In fact, the same study
concluded that we need a minimum of 12 laughs a day just to stay healthy!”
“Laughter is one of the simple joys of life.
It is to the soul what soap is to the body.
It is …an ‘instant vacation’.”
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
Misers aren’t fun to live with, but they make wonderful ancestors.
My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.
I’m not going to vacuum til Sears makes one you can ride on.
To attract men, I wear a perfume called New Car Interior.
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served us nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.
I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
My husband wanted one of those big-screen TV’s for his birthday. So I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already.
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
I have an aunt who married so late in life that Medicare picked up 80 percent of the honeymoon.
Inside me there’s a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes.